A tiger was getting married and all animals attended the wedding . Every animal
stood at distance and wished the tiger. A cat came and climbed to the
stage and danced nicely then extended his hand to wish the tiger.
The tiger
roared in rage and said how dare you come on the stage? Even the panther is
maintaining its distance and you climbed the stage.
The cat replied and
after listening to that the tiger fainted. What would have the cat said
???
The
cat said "Oh shut up buddy, even I was a tiger before marriage"
Monday, 29 June 2015
Sunday, 28 June 2015
English From Around The World
English From Around The World

In a Bangkok Temple : IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail Lounge, Norway : LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's Office, Rome : SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry Cleaners, Bangkok : DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
A Nairobi Restaurant : CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi : TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster in Cancun : ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant : OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery : PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations : GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS, IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant : OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo Bar : SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia : THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan : YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery : YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest : IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich : BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand : WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen : WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A Laundry in Rome : LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
And finally, the all time classic, Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window : IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE.

In a Bangkok Temple : IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail Lounge, Norway : LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor's Office, Rome : SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry Cleaners, Bangkok : DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
A Nairobi Restaurant : CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi : TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster in Cancun : ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant : OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a Cemetery : PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations : GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS, IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant : OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo Bar : SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia : THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan : YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery : YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest : IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich : BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand : WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen : WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A Laundry in Rome : LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
And finally, the all time classic, Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window : IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE.
Tuesday, 23 June 2015
Who Is A Man
Someone has written something good for men
Who is a MAN ...
A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation.
He sacrifices his chocolates for his sister.
He sacrifices his dreams for just a smile on his parents' face.
He spends his entire pocket money on buying gifts for the lady he loves just to see her smiling
He sacrifices his full youth for his wife and children by working late at night without any complaint.
He builds their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for his lifetime.
He struggles a lot and still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife and boss.
His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.
If he goes out, then he's careless
If he stays at home, then he's lazy
If he scolds children, then he's a monster
If he doesn't scold, then he's an irresponsible guy
If he stops wife from working, then he's an insecure guy
If he doesn't stops wife from working, then he's somebody who lives on wife's earnings
If he listens to mom, then he's mama's boy
If he listens to wife, he's wife's slave
Respect every male in your life.
U will never know what he has sacrificed for you.
" HAPPY MEN'S DAY" : Which will never comes ...
Who is a MAN ...
A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation.
He sacrifices his chocolates for his sister.
He sacrifices his dreams for just a smile on his parents' face.
He spends his entire pocket money on buying gifts for the lady he loves just to see her smiling
He sacrifices his full youth for his wife and children by working late at night without any complaint.
He builds their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for his lifetime.
He struggles a lot and still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife and boss.
His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.
If he goes out, then he's careless
If he stays at home, then he's lazy
If he scolds children, then he's a monster
If he doesn't scold, then he's an irresponsible guy
If he stops wife from working, then he's an insecure guy
If he doesn't stops wife from working, then he's somebody who lives on wife's earnings
If he listens to mom, then he's mama's boy
If he listens to wife, he's wife's slave
Respect every male in your life.
U will never know what he has sacrificed for you.
" HAPPY MEN'S DAY" : Which will never comes ...
Monday, 22 June 2015
Sama Bunyi
Sebuah cerita di bulan puasa :::
Sahabat 1 : 'nyaris betul tadi'
Sahabat 2 : 'nyaris apa?'
Sahabat 1 : 'nyaris batal puasa aku'
Sahabat 2 : 'kenapa pulak?'
Sahabat 1 : 'azan zohor tadi sebijik macam azan magrib'
Sahabat 1 : 'nyaris betul tadi'
Sahabat 2 : 'nyaris apa?'
Sahabat 1 : 'nyaris batal puasa aku'
Sahabat 2 : 'kenapa pulak?'
Sahabat 1 : 'azan zohor tadi sebijik macam azan magrib'
Sunday, 21 June 2015
The Indian Way
I love the Indian way ...
An inquiry was being held after an accident at a railway crossing in Punjab, India. A stationmaster was asked by the inquiry commission, "How many railway crossings are in your area?" Stationmaster, "total of 11 railway crossings, 4 unmanned and 7 manned crossings. Of the 7 manned crossings 4 are male and 3 are female."
After a brief silence, the inquiry commissioner asked, "what do you mean 'male' and 'female' crossing?" The Station master replied "where the barrier pole goes up we call it male and where the gates spread open we call it female !!!
An inquiry was being held after an accident at a railway crossing in Punjab, India. A stationmaster was asked by the inquiry commission, "How many railway crossings are in your area?" Stationmaster, "total of 11 railway crossings, 4 unmanned and 7 manned crossings. Of the 7 manned crossings 4 are male and 3 are female."
After a brief silence, the inquiry commissioner asked, "what do you mean 'male' and 'female' crossing?" The Station master replied "where the barrier pole goes up we call it male and where the gates spread open we call it female !!!
Mind Your Own Business
A little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate, then he took another one and
then another ...
A man next to him said, "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth?"
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived for 132 years". The man asked, "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied, No, he was always minding his own business!
A man next to him said, "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth?"
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived for 132 years". The man asked, "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied, No, he was always minding his own business!
Friday, 19 June 2015
Don't Love Your Company
Love your job but don't love your company, because you may not know when your company stops loving you : Dr APJ Abdul Kalam
ALWAYS LEAVE OFFICE ON TIME
(1) Work is a never-ending process. It can never be completed.
(2) Interest of a client is important, so is your family.
(3) If you fall in your life, neither your boss nor client will offer you a helping hand; your family and friends will.
(4) Life is not only about work, office and client. There is more to live. You need time to socialize, entertain, relax and exercise. Don't let life be meaningless.
(5) A person who stays late at the office is not a hard working person, instead he/she is a fool who does not know how to manage work within the stipulated time. He/She is inefficient and incompetent in his work.
(6) You did not study hard and struggle in life to become a machine.
(7) If your boss forces you to work late, he/she may be ineffective and have a meaningless life too; so forward this to him/her.
ALWAYS LEAVE OFFICE ON TIME
(1) Work is a never-ending process. It can never be completed.
(2) Interest of a client is important, so is your family.
(3) If you fall in your life, neither your boss nor client will offer you a helping hand; your family and friends will.
(4) Life is not only about work, office and client. There is more to live. You need time to socialize, entertain, relax and exercise. Don't let life be meaningless.
(5) A person who stays late at the office is not a hard working person, instead he/she is a fool who does not know how to manage work within the stipulated time. He/She is inefficient and incompetent in his work.
(6) You did not study hard and struggle in life to become a machine.
(7) If your boss forces you to work late, he/she may be ineffective and have a meaningless life too; so forward this to him/her.
Without My Knowledge
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A.
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A.
Minimal Lettuce
My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce'. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. From Bankstown, Sydney ...
Wombat Crossing
I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W Office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason : 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore'.
Story from Collingwood, Melbourne
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W Office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason : 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore'.
Story from Collingwood, Melbourne
Garage Door
We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'you need a 1/4 horsepower'.
I responded that 1/2 was large that 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not, Four is larger that two'. We haven't used that repairman since ... this happened in Ipswich, Qld.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'you need a 1/4 horsepower'.
I responded that 1/2 was large that 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not, Four is larger that two'. We haven't used that repairman since ... this happened in Ipswich, Qld.
Do Not Confuse
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5.00 note. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed here 25c. She said, 'you gave me too much money'.
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back'. She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don't do that kind of thing'. The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the people at McD's.
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back'. She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don't do that kind of thing'. The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the people at McD's.
The Other Side
When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side'
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side'
Pedestrian Light
The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that is signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!?'
She is a government employee in ATO Newcastle NSW AU.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!?'
She is a government employee in ATO Newcastle NSW AU.
Salaam Muhammad
There were two white Christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a
desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they travelled through the hot desert
looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to
do.
As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.
So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were.
John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'.
The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink.
Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad, Ramadan Mubarak!
As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.
So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were.
John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'.
The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink.
Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad, Ramadan Mubarak!
Salam Ramadhan : Versi NS
Kalau dilipek sebosa kuku
Kalau dibontang sebosa Alam
Kuk hilang di caghi
Kuk hanyut di pinteh
Kuk tonggolam disolam
Datang biarlah nampak muko
Kuk poie biarlah nampak belakang
Jauh dihimbau Dokek dighamit
Ramadhan muncul kito bersuo
Ampun mahap sesamo manusio
Apolah dayo den insan biaso
Kadang-kadang terbabeh juo
Seuntai salam
Sejambak kato
Dogup bebicaro
Mongghisik raso
Maaf kan den pinto pado semuo
Selamat menjalani ibadah poso
Kalau dibontang sebosa Alam
Kuk hilang di caghi
Kuk hanyut di pinteh
Kuk tonggolam disolam
Datang biarlah nampak muko
Kuk poie biarlah nampak belakang
Jauh dihimbau Dokek dighamit
Ramadhan muncul kito bersuo
Ampun mahap sesamo manusio
Apolah dayo den insan biaso
Kadang-kadang terbabeh juo
Seuntai salam
Sejambak kato
Dogup bebicaro
Mongghisik raso
Maaf kan den pinto pado semuo
Selamat menjalani ibadah poso
Salam Ramadhan : Versi J
Bocah cilik mangan sego,
Sego dipangan karo gulo,
Wes suwi orak ngomong Jowo,
Dino poso ki njalok ngapuro...
Nyimpan jenang nang jero tin,
Ngesok arek digowo mareng suro,
Keluputan kulo lahir batin,
Salah silap njlok dingapuro...
Buko poso lawuh'e gereh,
Njegor sunge dicaplok boyo,
Keluputanku sing akeh-akeh,
Kito 0 - 0 lah yo...
Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan
Sego dipangan karo gulo,
Wes suwi orak ngomong Jowo,
Dino poso ki njalok ngapuro...
Nyimpan jenang nang jero tin,
Ngesok arek digowo mareng suro,
Keluputan kulo lahir batin,
Salah silap njlok dingapuro...
Buko poso lawuh'e gereh,
Njegor sunge dicaplok boyo,
Keluputanku sing akeh-akeh,
Kito 0 - 0 lah yo...
Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan
Ramadhan Golfers
"P" : Pukul half swing cukup.
"U" : Usah ada betting.
"A" : Amalkan kiraan yang betul.
"S" : Strokes bagi lebih tak pe.
"A" : Angkat bola kalau dah triple bogey.........
Bagi yang nak main golf jugak dalam bulan puasa ni
"U" : Usah ada betting.
"A" : Amalkan kiraan yang betul.
"S" : Strokes bagi lebih tak pe.
"A" : Angkat bola kalau dah triple bogey.........
Bagi yang nak main golf jugak dalam bulan puasa ni
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